8 tips on how to fight productively

If passions run high and conflicts create themselves out of thin air, you at some point start wondering how to fix that. Every couple fights, even that one that seems so perfectly happy. British scientists from the Institute of Psychology have calculated that conflict situations most often occur within the Italian couples. Meanwhile, their divorce statistics are among the lowest in the world. What is the secret?

It is most likely that you will not ever be able to completely avoid conflicts. So here are 8 tips on how to conduct yourself if you got into a fight and how you can keep it down:

1. Do not respond to aggression with aggression

Try not to mirror your partner's behavior. If they have returned home after a day of work clearly in a bad mood, just ask what you can do for them.

2. No yelling

Keep your composure if you really value this relationship. To resolve the conflict, you need to find out its true cause. When you turn to yelling and screaming, you immediately lose respect in the eyes of your significant other. That will not help to sort out the problem, but only aggravate the situation.

3. Let them have their say

The ability to listen is another important skill along with the ability to talk. Do not interrupt your partner when they explain their perspective on the problem and express their feelings. You do not agree with their opinion? Challenge it after they are finished. No wonder one of the greatest kings of France Louis XIV said: "The patient always wins."

4. Keep your dignity

Often during a fight, we get carried away and say so many things we wish we would not have said to one another, things which would never even come up if it wasn't all the arguing and tension. Stop for a second, take a deep breath, and think about whether the cause of your fight is serious enough to jeopardize the relationship. In most cases, no. Therefore, do not throw insults at each other. Instead, support one another, even if you don't agree.

5. Don't blame them

Even if they are a hundred percent wrong, don't throw accusations at them. So you will definitely not be able to hush up the matter, but only make the whole thing worse.

6. Say "I" instead of "you"

This psychological trick works great during a showdown. No need to tell them "You're wrong." Instead, say, "I don't get it." The phrase "You always..." sounds like a reproach in the way you act. It is better to use "I feel that...". So you will build a conversation not based on accusations and criticism, but simply tell them about your feelings.

7. Don't take it out on your partner

Focus on the subject of the conflict. Don't get angry and frustrated, but try to find a compromise.

8. Ask questions

After the debating contest is over, and the two of you have expressed your dissatisfaction, ask your partner: "How do you see the solution to the problem" or "What would you like me to do". This will let them know that you, at least, have heard what they had to say and are ready to look for the ways to solve the problem.

Psychologists from the University of Arizona studied the impact of conflict in a relationship on a person's health for 32 years. To do that, the researchers studied the relationships of 194 married couples. As a result, scientists have come to the conclusion that you can not restrain and suppress your emotions. After all, the accumulated anger in the long run can lead to severe diseases. In their opinion, the key to maintaining health is fair and productive fights. That is when both partners are involved in a conflict, discussing and resolving, rather than trying to avoid it.

We are all human. And each of us has their own perspective on things. We must understand that conflicts will happen, no matter how hard we try to avoid them. We hope that our tips will come in handy. And if there is some sort of argument, now you know the healthy way to resolve it. After all, no fight is worth it to sacrifice the relationship with your loved one.